If I could give one piece of advice to a young woman who excitedly accepts her future husband's marriage proposal it would be this . . . .
Do not give up your career to raise babies without something in writing from your spouse that says you will receive spousal maintenance if the marriage ends. And not only that you will be given spousal maintenance, but that agreement spells out what the spousal maintenance would be compensating you for. I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is to represent a woman who was a doctor, but who gave that up, at her husband's request, to raise her children. She gave up her strongest working years. And, after 15 years of marriage, his career soared, and hers crashed and burned. He traveled and worked long hours to advance his career, while she toted the kids to practices and games, made excuses for why daddy couldn't attend the choir concert, and dried the tears from their sad little faces because dad was not home for their birthdays. She didn't continue with her annual educational requirements, because, well, she was a full-time mom. She was home teaching her kids to ride bikes, going to games, being a room-mom, and fixing their hair for picture days. These were incredibly important parental jobs and obligations. She soaked up the love of her little children and marinated in it, not worrying about her future. Because 15 years ago her husband promised to take care of her and love her forever.
Now, 15 years later, her husband is starting a new family with a new, younger version of his wife, so of course they must get a divorce. It will take her years to get back into the practice of medicine She will never be able to recapture those years of earning and building a business as a young energetic woman. She will always be 15 years behind. Her husband's career will remain right on track.
She wrongfully assumed the Court would see that she needs continuing spousal maintenance. Why not, she earned it, right? She gave up her entire career building years so he could advance his. She wrongfully assumes she is entitled to live in the same lifestyle she has become accustomed to. I mean, isn't the court supposed to consider that? The Courts, at least in Arizona, seem to really dislike giving spousal maintenance or even taking into consideration everything she has given up in order for her spouse to become a successful, well-respected businessman.
Every state is different, each having its own spousal maintenance laws. But no matter what state you live in, I strongly urge any person contemplating giving up their career to stay home and care for the house, their spouse, and/or their children to get something in writing first. Talk to a lawyer in your area to find out what needs to be done to ensure you are not left high and dry because, as a family, you decided it was more important that someone was home with the kids than it was to make an extra $200,000+ per year.